The Demonization Of Wives And Mothers In Pop Culture

The subject of demonizing women, especially wives and mothers, in film and television shouldn’t surprise anyone as being such a common bias. In fact, this “trend” has been going on since the beginning of the Golden Age of Hollywood. Back then, sexism was like a right of passage for male characters in film. Unfortunately, today, gender biases aren’t as transparent as they used to be, but that doesn’t mean they’re invisible. Wives and mothers especially receive a lot of negative representation and feedback from fans.

There’s some speculation as to why the creators of these shows and movies choose to make their female characters seem unpleasant or misunderstood or make them out to be an antagonist, even if they weren’t supposed to be. The answer often points to biases and sexism. But even fans take it upon themselves to demonize these wives and moms who weren’t meant to be cast as the bad guys. This isn’t to say that male characters are never mistreated themselves; however, there’s no argument that this is a more common and recurring pattern among women in pop culture.

Let’s Talk About Disney

When you think of Disney Villains, who do you think of? In Disney Princess movies, in particular, a majority of the villains are portrayed as women. But not just ordinary women; these villains are sometimes the princesses’ own mothers, or stepmothers, to be exact. In Disney’s Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs, the main protagonist, Snow White, is faced with a shocking revelation that her stepmother wants her dead. There is a list of problems with this film, among the obvious that Snow White is a fourteen-year-old girl running for her life because her “wicked stepmother” wants to be the “fairest of them all.”

The concept of a movie targeted to a young audience about a mother figure wanting to kill her child out of jealousy is already an outrageously wild and frustrating storyline. But Disney’s Cinderella is almost no better. It’s about a young girl named Cinderella, whose antagonist happens to be (you guessed it) her stepmother. Alongside her stepmother, Lady Tremaine, are her two “ugly” stepsisters that also make Cinderella miserable at all costs.

The Disney Mothers

Throughout the Disney universe, there are a handful of stories that choose to use wives, mothers, and other women as the wrong-doers and tend to portray these women as old or plus-sized. This, in itself, is problematic because it teaches us when we’re young to associate age and weight with ugliness and anger. To make matters even more unpleasant, most of the earlier Disney Princesses’ mothers are dead, leaving the question: is there some deep-rooted hatred towards women being displayed positively in these movies?

What’s strange about this is that the initial purpose of Disney Princess culture is to build the self-esteem of young girls and women, showing them how strong-willed and brave girls really are. So, when we create a movie about women’s empowerment, why do we tear other women down? Women are demonized in these films for being obnoxious, “unattractive,” or “too” powerful; that treatment of women does little for a young girl’s confidence and perception of what it means to be a strong woman.

Breaking Skyler White

One of AMC’s most popular television series, Breaking Bad, features Walter White, an anti-hero protagonist who goes from a high school chemistry teacher with newly diagnosed lung cancer to a professional meth creator and distributor. His wife and leading lady, Skyler White, is one of the most infamously hated wives in television history. The actress who portrayed Skyler, Anna Gunn, even received several death threats for her character’s existence in the show.

Many fans desperately wanted her character killed off the show. People thought she stood in the way of her husband, Walter. She was deemed unsupportive and a traitor to him and his “good intentions.” But despite Skyler’s attempts to live a happy, normal life with her husband, disabled teenage son, and infant daughter, Walter created a dangerous mess for her and her family’s complacent, ordinary lives in his attempts to assemble a financially stable future for his family.

Skyler White’s Choice

Skyler wasn’t perfect and made choices that purposely hurt Walt after finding out about his affairs. However, it’s highly disregarded that Walt wasn’t even there for the birth of his own daughter due to his drug-dealing. The whole controversy has been remarked as misogynistic, only hating Skyler for being a strong, outspoken woman who, at first, refused to pretend what Walt was doing was alright.

Skyler wanted to protect her family more than anything, even if that meant protecting it from Walter himself. Even Walter admits in the end that his drug-dealing wasn’t about his family’s well-being after a while and rather for his own selfish addiction to the thrill and control it gave him. For a dying man, he seldom felt as alive as he did throughout his time drug-peddling. His character’s concept was revolutionary to fans, so it was easy for them to feel attached and relate to his character.

Refusing to see Skyler’s perspective in the series felt like an attack towards her gender and position as his wife. Skyler loves Walter, but he betrayed his family’s trust and was involved in murders and drug dealing. He could’ve easily gotten her and their children killed. She wouldn’t stand idly by and suffer in silence, and that is the true and very disappointing reason her character was so demonized.

Wendy Byrde

Wendy Byrde is one of the main characters in the Netflix original series Ozark. The series often receives a lot of understandable comparisons to Breaking Bad. Ozark is about a man named Marty Byrde who, much like Walter White, puts his family at risk by laundering money for the Mexican Cartel. Except, unlike Skyler White, Wendy Byrde is in on Marty’s involvement from the beginning.

During Marty’s time in Chicago laundering money, he and Wendy supposedly started to grow apart from what we can gather. Although we don’t see this time span in the series, it is often suggested during Marty and Wendy’s arguments, giving Wendy the motive to cheat on Marty with a man she didn’t even love. This was Wendy’s way of getting some attention and almost getting back at Marty for letting their marriage become so passionless and detached.

Right off the bat, people see Wendy as a heartless cheater who doesn’t care about her husband’s feelings, but that would be the exact opposite from what we can see. Wendy also receives a lot of demonization when she begins to “help” Marty with his attempts to keep their family safe from the cartel’s wrath. After moving to the Ozarks to establish more profit and clean money for his bosses, Marty and Wendy start to get themselves even more tangled up in crime than ever before. Wendy even starts to become the leader of most of their enterprises.

It’s easy to cast Wendy’s character as the bad guy once she becomes more affiliated with the cartel. But this raises the question: why do fans tend to demonize Wendy for her chase of the thrill and involvement with murder but not Walter White? Walter White has killed people first-hand, yet fans sympathize with his motives and justify keeping his family safe. When a woman in the same position does the same things to keep her family safe, she’s deemed an irresponsible mother, bad wife, and villain to her own cause.

Wives And Mothers That Threaten Your Existence

Why is it so popular to demonize wives and mothers in comedies? There are so many shows that portray their family’s problems as the parents’ faults, specifically the mother’s fault. You’ll hear typical phrases thrown around about these women being “nagging wives” or “evil moms.” But is this just another way to keep the patriarchy alive, tearing down a strong, assertive woman that threaten other’s complacency? No matter the reasons for frequently demonizing women in sitcoms, one thing that’s clear is the existing pattern that continues to paint women as tyrants.

The Demonization Of Lois Wilkerson

One mom that tends to receive a lot of hate is the wife and mother from Malcolm in the Middle, Lois Wilkerson. Her personality is depicted as angry, controlling, unreasonable, irrational, and tough-loving. Lois is always seen as the bad guy in her children’s minds, despite their obnoxious, irresponsible behavior and needs to disobey their parents.

Neither she nor her husband takes much responsibility for making their son, Malcolm, miserable, but he still blames them for his misfortunes, especially his mother. Although their father, Hal, might be neglectful and hot-headed, often taking Lois’s side on things, Lois is the one who is always blamed and hated by her children. Due to past trauma and mental abuse from her parents and the rejection from Hal’s family, Lois was always treated as weak and undeserving.

After the birth of her first child, Francis, Lois was initially an easygoing mom. Once she noticed Hal’s lack of responsibility, not to mention how out of control Francis was, defying her every instruction and making poor decisions despite her warning, Lois was forced to be the parent who takes control, which is the parent that is often villainized.

Despite knowing how much financial and mental stress this woman has been through, fans still don’t cut her a break due to her rough behavior and constant lecturing. It wasn’t exactly hard to demonize her character, but if you had five defiant sons, can you say you’d be any less strict? She is painted as a horrible mom, and despite the fact that she does constantly scold her children, Lois loves her kids, and when they listen, she praises them just like almost any other good parent would.

Rochelle Rock

What’s interesting about demonizing wives and mothers in pop culture is the exaggeration in their behavior. One great example of this is Everybody Hates Chris‘s mother figure, Rochelle Rock. Her character is based on Chris Rock’s actual mother, Rose Rock. However, Rochelle’s behavior is immensely exaggerated.

Rochelle Rock is depicted as strict, overbearing, aggressive, and irascible. Although she’s very loving and protective of her family, wives like her and Lois Wilkerson fall under the same category of being the stereotypical bossy, loud moms. Despite Rochelle being based on the actual Rose Rock, her character’s personality is still gravely inflated. She is seen as an unfair mother who comes down too hard on her children. This exaggerating only makes the audience feel inclined to believe all wives and mothers are tired, impatient, and deserving of being seen as the enemy.

Wife And Mother VS. Wife And Mother

A common theme in sitcoms that display overbearing, frustrated wives and mothers is the hateful mother-in-law, daughter-in-law dynamic. This joke is constantly being recycled on-screen and gives viewers the impression that this kind of relationship is normal. It’s the premise for the popular comedy film, Monster-In-Law, starring Jennifer Lopez and Jane Fonda. In the film, Jennifer Lopez plays the sweet, newly engaged fiancé to Jane Fonda’s son, making J-Lo public enemy number one.

This dynamic may seem comical and light-hearted, usually revealing a great relationship between the two underneath all the bickering and harsh criticism, but it only fuels the assumption that this behavior between a wife and her mother-in-law is normal.

The Barone Mothers

This portrayal of a mother against daughter-in-law duo is seen in popular shows like That’s 70’s Show and even the previously mentioned shows Everybody Hates Chris and Malcolm in the Middle. One show where this is constantly referenced in almost every episode is Everybody Loves Raymond.

Everybody Loves Raymond follows protagonist Raymond Barone and his silly, chaotic family’s day-to-day lives. His wife, Debra Barone, is a loving, supportive woman who cares deeply for her family. Unlike some other wives and mothers throughout television, Debra’s character isn’t typically put down or demonized too much. But her mother-in-law, Marie Barone, on the other hand, is a different story. Although Debra is known for her kindness and affection towards her children and immature husband, she still receives a lot of criticism for her relationship with Raymond’s mom, Marie.

Marie is the opposite of Debra in many ways and tends to baby her two sons, Raymond and Robert Barone. You’ll often hear Marie comment on Debra’s cooking, appearance, and “duties” as the wife to her son. Marie and Debra’s bickering contributes to the stigma that mothers-in-law and daughters-in-laws typically share a mutual resentment towards each other. This kind of normalization throughout pop culture is part of the reason so many mothers are demonized and labeled as aggressive towards other women, their own children, and their partners.

The Fantasy Before The Marriage

Many wives and mothers tend to be demonized in pop culture; they’re no longer seen through the viewers’ (primarily male) eyes as young, obtainable, or carefree. Essentially, the fantasy aspect of these women starts to fizzle, only leaving the messy reality that not every woman has perfectly shaved legs and wakes up with perfect makeup and minty-fresh breath.

Wives and mothers are almost never glamorized like the characters of the single woman or the “mistress.” Once the reality kicks in, the fuzzy lighting starts to fade, and what’s left is a woman who’s deemed unorganized and frantic just because she now has different responsibilities than just catering to men’s desires.

How Titles Contribute To Demonizing

Shows like Desperate Housewives, Teen Mom, and Dance Moms all share some negative connotations behind the titles of their shows. The title of the series, Desperate Housewives, emphasizes the word “desperate,” yet what this title subconsciously does is create a connection between “desperate” and “housewives,” making the audience unknowingly associate the two together outside of the show. For Teen Mom, the viewer usually associates being a teenaged mother with something bad or frowned upon in our society. You don’t have to delve too far into the show’s premise before you realize that’s the point MTV was making, besides the obvious entertainment purposes.

The show Dance Moms may not be as direct as Desperate Housewives or Teen Mom, but once you skim over the reason for the show’s existence, it becomes clear that a “dance mom” is affiliated with something negative and demonized. The show claims to focus on the mom’s daughters and their dancing abilities, while their dance instructor, Abby Lee Miller, gives them critiques and helps guide their passion into a future profession.

Although this description for Dance Moms may be true, to an extent, the focus quickly falls off the girls every single episode, only to close in on the drama between Abby Miller’s student’s mothers and Abby Lee Miller. Because the title of the show once again includes “moms,” we know that the series is trying to emphasize them and how dramatic and overreacting their personalities are, often outshining their own daughters by being louder and receiving more (negative) attention.

Can We Escape These Archetypes Of Mothers And Wives?

Due to the influence of pop culture and media constantly shoving the idea of how a woman should act and what she should look like, we’re conditioned from a young age to believe that being a wife or a mother isn’t being equal to her partner or her family. Women are told they’ll become this overworked nurturer that immediately loses their sex appeal and freedom. Pop culture’s version of mothers and wives are isolated, angry, and domineering people that live to serve their families.

It’s hard to escape from this because society paints women in so many different ways depending on what route they choose in life. The media tells women that if they remain single and age alone, they’ll become “crazy spinsters.” But if they marry and/or have children, their husbands or partners will lose interest in them, and their bodies will become their own worst nightmares. These concepts and stereotypes are sexist, ageist, and dehumanizing.

Unfortunately, this idea of mothers and wives being awful is far from completely disappearing altogether. But the good news is there are shows and real people out there that continue to fight this assumption. Despite what people might try to do to a character’s reputation, directors are continuing to push out these strong, passionate women leads onto streaming platforms, big screens, and through our subconscious, helping to break the stigma and stopping the need to demonize wives and mothers.