“Singing Through Grief” — Julie Molina’s Emotional Arc In ‘Julie And The Phantoms’ (2020)

A year after the loss of her mom, Julie Molina seems to be stuck in the fourth stage of grief, depression. However, she is right on the cusp of acceptance. 

Julie, who is only 15 years old, is unable to push past the wall of painful memories tied to everything that reminds her of her mom. Because of this, she has been avoiding music — something she shared with her mom — and shrinking further into herself.

In the first scene we see Julie, she is wearing a baseball cap, her head angled down, not making eye contact with anyone. She is given one last chance to perform a song in order to stay in her high school’s prestigious music program, but she is unable to play even a single note on the piano. 

She has a heartfelt talk with her dad after he finds out that she was cut from the program. He urges her to embrace the things that remind her of her lost loved ones. Not long after, she also talks with Luke, the lead singer of the ghost boy band. Luke emphatically expresses his love for music saying it is a gift no musician would ever give up, citing that Julie should know that as a musician herself. Julie lies, telling the boys that she doesn’t play music and continuing to suppress that part of herself.

Throughout her introduction, Julie refrains from doing the things that generally help someone who is trying to overcome immense grief. While everyone navigates loss differently, it is recommended to focus on the 3 C’s: choose, connect, communicate.¹

Julie is not choosing what is best for her. She is detached from her passion and not choosing to take control of any part of her life. Instead of choosing to quit the music if it is something she no longer wants to do, she just lets things happen without a say.

This is a problem because she is not reinstating any sense of control after losing a loved one. She is not connecting to those around her either. She doesn’t open up to her best friend Flynn who asks her if she is going to sing again. Flynn becomes slightly frustrated because she is trying to be there for Julie, but Julie is struggling to communicate any of her needs to her loved ones.

We can also see this in the way Julie keeps secrets from her dad, not telling him about getting cut from her school’s program. Throughout the series and with each song that Julie sings, she rediscovers herself using the 3 Cs and feels closer than ever to her mom through her music.

Lyrics As Narrative — How Each Song Tracks Julie’s Grief

At the beginning of Julie’s journey she is unsure of who she is without her mom. Throughout every episode, one featured song begins to help her put those pieces back together. These songs are the embodiment of where Julie is within the narrative. The music acts as a way for Julie to express how she is feeling while navigating her grief.

“Wake Up”

After Julie talks with her dad and Luke, she ends up singing her first song in over a year. She sings the song “Wake Up.” It is a song that Julie’s mom wrote for her, and reads as if she is singing to her from beyond the grave, urging her to continue living her life. As Julie begins to sing with a beaming smile on her face, the sun rises, and light radiates down on her. 

The song’s chorus repeats,

“Wake up, wake up if it’s all you do.” 

For someone who is grieving, often getting out of bed can be the hardest step. But progress does not have to be a massive leap in the right direction, oftentimes it is just making yourself wake up, day after day, until it slowly becomes easier to do.

As the light halos around Julie to the lyrics “Relight that spark, time to come out of the dark,”² she stands up at the piano, singing the lyrics with more passion as she accepts how important music is to her, especially as a connection to her mom. The emotion that overtakes Julie as she plays makes it clear that music is not something she wants to give up.

“Bright”

Julie choosing to sing “Bright” marks an important step in her arc because she is actively taking back control over her life. She asks her teacher if she can get back into the music program after she sings “Wake Up,” but her teacher tells her it is too late. With help from her band, she performs “Bright” at the school assembly in hopes of changing her teacher’s mind.

Through this song Julie admits that, “In times that I doubted myself I feel like I needed some help,”³ which is another important step in her realizing it is okay to ask for help, and to embrace your connections. She starts the song with her head held low on the piano, not confident in her place on the stage.

But when the band appear beside her on stage, she becomes a different person. When they are up there, she exudes confidence, taking over the stage, and earning her spot back. 

“Flying Solo”

After Julie’s best friend Flynn sees her perform with a band of boys she doesn’t know, she feels hurt that Julie didn’t tell her about them. Julie lies to Flynn when asked who they are, not sure how to explain the truth.

At this point in her arc Julie is struggling to connect with those around her because she is not honestly communicating with them. Julie makes a plan to sing Flynn the song, “Flying Solo,” to explain the whole situation, and apologize. 

This is a song she wrote for Flynn after the loss of her mom but never shared with her. Through this song she finally communicates with Flynn how much her being there helped her, as well as how much her continued friendship means to her. Julie sings,

“My life, my life, would be real low, zero, flying solo without you.”

Through this song, Julie acknowledges that she needs connection to live a fulfilling life. Her connection with Flynn is strengthened because she sees that the boys are actually ghosts, trusting Julie again, as well as seeing her importance to her friend through the sincere lyrics. 

A weight is lifted off of Julie’s shoulders as her friend forgives her, making the song and music feel all the more special for bringing them back together.

“I Got The Music”

“I Got the Music,” stands as a song representing Julie feeling pure inspiration, and joy over art again. Julie exclaims how she has got a constant stream of music now flowing through her head as if she opened up a dam, and is now flooding with inspiration.

She says, “Haven’t felt this in a minute, it’s incredible;”⁵ singing about the feeling that every artist strives for, to be overflowing, bursting at the seams with creative inspiration. Especially after such a long period of feeling uninspired, Julie is finally feeling the joy of music in the way she used to when she wrote songs with her mom. 

“Finally Free”

Julie views song writing as a vulnerable act, and therefore when she starts to write songs with Luke she puts all her trust in him. After he breaks that trust, she sings “Finally Free.” This is a moment in which Julie begins to be vulnerable in a way she has not been up to this point.

The song acknowledges how she is scared, but passionate about music, and wants to make it work with the band. She communicates with them beforehand that if this is not something they are serious about, she does not want to continue it. Julie sings,

“We’re no liars, so we say what we wanna say, I’m awakened, no more faking.” 

The lyrics showing how she is no longer going to stand idly by as things happen, and will speak out about how she feels. 

“Edge Of Great”

Julie has openly communicated with her band, and best friend, but has still failed to be honest with her dad. After he catches her sneaking out to perform, Julie finally tells him that she is in a band, and feeling passionate about music again. He is happy for her, wishing that she could have told him so he could be excited with her. This leads to him hosting a party at their house where Julie and the Phantoms can perform, and taking a video of their song, “Edge of Great” to post online. 

Julie is feeling more confident than ever in herself and in the musicians they have become together. Julie sings, “And like a rubber ball we come bouncing back, we all got a second act, inside of us.”⁷ These lyrics speak on how there is always an opportunity to bounce back, and be the kind of person you want to be. The boys and Julie are quite literally on the “Edge of Great.”

Singing on the feeling that they believe something big will happen for them, since they are confident in their potential as a band.

“Stand Tall”

A big break happens for the group when they book themselves as the opening band for Panic at the Disco at the Orpheum. There they sing “Stand Tall,” the last song that Julie and the Phantoms ever sing together.

It is a song that she had been writing with her mom before her passing, and dedicates it to her before she starts. This is the biggest venue the band has ever booked, and Julie is convinced the boys are not going to show up after some complications.

However, when in the past she would not go on stage without the boys, she stepped onto the stage with her head held high, ready to step into the spotlight alone.

By doing this alone, she is able to push past the pain of thinking the guys are no longer there, and chooses to put herself out there as she goes after her dream. Julie sings,

“Whatever happens, even if I’m the last standing I’ma stand tall.” 

Julie accepts the loved ones that she has lost as a reason to keep going, to stand tall for them. As Julie’s self confidence returns, the songs stop representing her pain and start becoming embodiments of love.

Songs As Memory — Music, Motherhood, & Connection

In Julie’s story, her love for her mom shows up in many aspects of who she is. Most obviously is their shared love of music, but there is also Julie’s love of fashion, and dahlias. Julie has a trunk of her mom’s old clothes that she wears every time she performs. On the trunk is an image of a dahlia, her mom’s favorite flower. The dahlia stands as a recurring symbol of her mom watching over her in the story. 

At one of Julie’s moments of grief, the dahlia shows up as a symbol to tell her to keep going. She is about to not go on to perform “Stand Tall,” but after receiving a dahlia from a kind stranger with a smile, she takes it as a sign from her mom. It is through her love for her mom that she is able to once again power through grief to keep pursuing her dream, even if it means doing it alone. 

Early on in Julie’s narrative, she explains that anything reminding her of music also reminded her of her mom, so she would steer clear of it. She avoided her mom’s studio, playing instruments, and singing all together because of this.

But eventually she begins to accept that playing music actually makes her feel so much closer to her mom. And through continuing to play music as an artist she can keep the memory of her mom with her wherever, and whenever she performs. 

From Episode 1 To Episode 9 — What Julie’s First & Last Songs Reveal

By listening to the lyrics of the first and last songs Julie sings in the series, you can see the progression of her emotional arc. “Wake Up” is an encouraging ballad. It urges Julie on to take the necessary next steps she needs to be the best version of herself. With the song, Julie herself is “waking up.”

She is realizing that she is ready to use her pain, because she recognizes that the pain is always going to be a part of her now. Through the lyrics Julie is asking herself to do things; “wake up” and “look out, look inside of you.” At this moment in her arc she is only able to take those small steps such as only waking up, but is almost begging herself to get up, and make her dreams come true. 

During “Stand Tall,” she embraces the moment that she is in. It is a song of appreciation, and perseverance. At this point Julie has been through a great deal of loss, so all she can do is say that whatever happens, she herself is going to “Stand Tall.” The lyrics start,

“Don't blink, No, I don't want to miss it, One thing, and it's back to the beginning.” 

Julie is choosing to live in this moment, connecting with her loved ones, and actively communicating how she wants to go after her dreams.

Grief is not a linear journey for most; a single moment can send her right back to the beginning of her feelings of immense loss. However, through her journey Julie has come to accept that her grief will always be a part of her, but that also means that her mom will always be a part of her. In every lyric, on every stage, Julie will keep her mom’s memory alive. 

Footnotes