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The five stages of grief, as told by Elisabeth Kubler Ross and David Kessler are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Usually, Ross and Kessler’s grief stages are associated with moments of grief like death, end of a relationship, loss of a job, or loss of physicality. However, many people are experiencing grief because of the quarantine. The first few weeks were manageable because of the newness, now it’s become menial and dreary. Boredom has certainly set in. Stress has arrived as well. Do you know what else you are feeling? Grief. We are grieving our past freedoms and independence. Here are five TV shows that exist in those stages of grief.
Sherlock: A Case Of Denial
Denial is the first stage of grief. It can be expressed in disbelief or avoidance. The act of denial is essentially the refusal to change one’s mind, opinion, behavior, or attitude. One person who never changed their behaviors or made an effort towards personal growth is Sherlock Holmes (specifically the Moffat and Gatiss BBC incarnation).
Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss’ Sherlock (available on Netflix) modernizes the character and really showcases the disconnect Sherlock feels to society and humanity. He tells his landlady in “The Great Game,” “look at that, Mrs. Hudson. Quiet. Calm. Peaceful. Isn’t it hateful?” While Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock character has always been unbothered by societal norms, Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss’ version really highlights Sherlock’s denial of normality.
There’s No Grief In Denying It
Sherlock Holmes: Look, it doesn’t matter to me who’s Prime Minister, or who’s sleeping with whom-
Dr. John Watson: Or that the earth goes around the sun.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh God, that again! It’s not important!
Dr. John Watson: Not important? It’s primary school stuff! How can you not know that?
Sherlock Holmes: Well, if I ever did, I’ve deleted it.
Dr. John Watson: ‘Deleted it’?
Sherlock Holmes: Listen: [points to his head] This is my hard-drive, and it only makes sense to put things in there that are useful. Really useful. Ordinary people fill their heads with all kinds of rubbish, and that makes it hard to get at the stuff that matters! Do you see?
Dr. John Watson: But it’s the solar system!
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, hell! What does that matter?! So we go around the sun! If we went around the moon or round and round the garden like a teddy bear, it wouldn’t make any difference! All that matters to me is the work! Without that, my brain rots. Put that in your blog-or better still, stop inflicting your opinions on the world!
Sherlock, “The Great Game”
Just like Sherlock “deleted” what he considers irrelevant information, your brain is having a hard time keeping up with the fact that we are still in quarantine. You live your life normally until you remember that you can’t go to the gym or to a yoga class because of the social distancing mandate. Even though you remain aware of the Corona virus, you are still somewhat in disbelief and keep having to “remind” yourself that life is drastically different than it was several months ago.
Revenge: The Study of Anger
Anger is the second stage of grief. You’ve admitted the problem exists, but you don’t have to like it! In fact, it sucks. It’s easy to go into a “woe is me” spiral. Another spin could land you into the path of revenge. It isn’t the best way to deal with your issues but it is certainly popular in the media! Emily Thorne encompasses this in Revenge.
Anger can take many forms. Often people channel that anger into an appropriate outlet like taking a walk or yelling into a pillow. Sometimes something more drastic occurs. Revenge (available on IMDB) is a show about taking a not so healthy approach to anger. Emily Thorne’s father was wrongly convicted of murder and ends up dying during his prison sentence.
Emily explains her take on her emotions surrounding her father’s death: “When I was a little girl, my understanding of revenge was as simple as the Sunday school proverbs it hid behind. Neat little morality slogans like ‘do unto other’, and ‘two wrongs don’t make a right.’ But two wrongs can never make a right…because two wrongs can never equal each other. For the truly wronged, real satisfaction can only be found in one of two places…absolute forgiveness or mortal vindication. This is not a story about forgiveness” (“Pilot”).
Grief, Feel That Anger!
They say grief occurs in five stages. First, there’s denial, followed by anger. Then comes bargaining, and depression. For most, the final stage of grief is acceptance. But for me, grief is a life sentence without clemency. I will never accept and I will never forgive, not even after the man who killed my father lies dead at my feet.
Revenge “Grief”
Similar to Emily Thorne, the urge to simply “feel” during quarantine is strong. You feel anger at being stuck home, anger at having either an “essential job” or being laid off. You feel annoyed when you have to stand in line outside a store six feet from other people for your turn to shop. Even though you understand that the circumstances are out of control and effect everyone, you feel their effect on you quite strongly. Plus, it’s easy to be angry. It’s much harder to move on and heal.
Booth at the End: Let’s Make A Bargain
Bargaining is the third stage of grief. You’re halfway there! You know this is how it should be but it would be majorly cool if you could just do one little thing to make it better. A bargain can benefit multiple people right? Booth at the End really explores this question.
Booth at the End (available on Prime) is perhaps the epitome of bargaining. The Man is a mysterious character who can seemingly grant any wish, for a price. He explains: “I offer you a task – you do the task – you get what you want” (“Start. See What Happens”). The tasks range from the innocent (protect a girl for ten weeks) to the ominous (set off a bomb at a busy diner). The wish and task do not have a correlation but The Man’s tasks do interweave with one another.
Bargaining Grief Away
Sister Carmel: Wait a minute. I might hear God again, even if I don’t do the deal?
The Man: Of course. There’s always many different resolutions of any given problem. I offer only one.
Booth At The End “I Have My Reasons”
You have tried bargaining your way through quarantine. It started with a simple two-week closure of public facilities. During that time, plans were made for when the public closures were lifted. We’d bargain; I’ll do this quarantine if you do this for me. Opportunities presented themself: cheap airfare, federal parks waiving entrance fees and a free week of Disney+. Those were great for the initial closure. However, states have extended those closures and the effect on our summer vacations is unknown.
Monk: Crippled By Depression
Depression is really a visualization of grief. There are tears and inactivity and impulsivity. One extreme example is Adrian Monk’s OCD and neuroses he developed after his wife’s death.
Monk (available on Prime), shows Monk’s ongoing depression over the unsolved murder of his wife Trudy which led to an amplification of his obsessive compulsions. A character mentions that Monk should be ashamed of himself because he lets his obsessions rule him, he responds “I am, 24-7.” (“Mr. Monk and the Other Woman”). His compulsions lend to the need of a personal assistant to help him function in his daily life and as a consulting detective. The inability to heal after his wife’s death makes him unable to live in the present.
Depressive, Obsessive, Paralytic Grief
Lt. Disher: Uh, fear of heights, fear of germs, spiders, milk…
Natalie Teeger: …crowds, elevators, fire…
Lt. Disher: Rabbits, tunnels, bridges…
Natalie Teeger: Boats…
Lt. Disher: Decaffinated coffee…
Natalie Teeger: Lightning…
Capt. Leland Stottlemeyer: The wind, he’s afraid of the wind.
Lt. Disher: Egg whites.
Natalie Teeger: Bad.
Lt. Disher: Naked people. That one is way up there. I think it goes naked people, and then death.
Monk “Mr. Monk’s 100th Case”
Like Monk, we have a growing number of triggers stemming from being in quarantine. This is magnified if you have kids who are now “remote learning.” What never annoyed you before is now constantly setting you off. Whether its your significant other not closing the cupboards all the way or the kids not taking care of the dirty dishes, you are now unable to escape the tedious task of self-isolation.
Good Omens: Let’s Accept This
Acceptance is the final stage of grief.
Angel Aziraphale and Demon Crowley started off rigid in their roles (in Good Omens, available on Prime). Aziraphale was strictly dealing with the good and the Heavens, Crowley was conisistantly obeying Satan and Hell. However, as thousands of years pass and Aziraphale and Crowley develop a friendship and the lines between good and bad blend. This is illustrated beautifully during this exchange: “Crowley: ‘You can stay at my place, if you like.’ Aziraphale: ‘I don’t think my side would like that.’ Crowley: ‘You don’t have a side anymore. Neither of us do. We’re on our own side’” (“The Very Last Day of the Rest of Their Lives”).
Hello, Grief. My Name Is Acceptance
Crowley : Something’s changed.
Good Omens “In The Beginning”
Aziraphale : Oh, it’s a new cologne. My barber suggested it.
Crowley : Not you. I know what you smell like. The Hell Hound has found its master.
Aziraphale : Are you sure?
Crowley : I felt it. Would I lie to you?
Aziraphale : Well, obviously. You’re a demon. That’s what you do.
Crowley : No, I’m not lying. The boy, whoever he is, has the dog. He’s named it. It’s done. He’s coming into his power. We’re doomed.
Aziraphale : Well, then… welcome to the end times.
You’ve survived through the variable stages of grief which all lead to: acceptance. As Aziraphale and Crowley accept the end of the world is coming and they have not lived up to their respectful roles completely, we must accept the future of life in a pandemic state. While we can deny and bargain for a short time, ultimately our future is unknown.
What To Do Now?
One marked difference between quarantine and these TV shows is that the shows are filmed and completed. Quarantine doesn’t have a specified end date. It probably won’t be tidied up in a nice little bow at the end of the finale. Our period of acceptance leads to another stage: perseverance. We must see through our grief to the end of the quarantine.
